please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
