I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Randomize