Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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