yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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