I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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