Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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