New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
