The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
