Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
