i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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