guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
