guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
