I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
