just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
