she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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