aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
