so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
