This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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