i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
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Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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