At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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