You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
