You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
