i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
