Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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