oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
