Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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