she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
