I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
