My hand turned me down
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
