i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
