my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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