Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
