if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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