I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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