Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
