Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
