shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
