thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
