i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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