If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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