thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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