Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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