Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
