I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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