I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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