Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
