just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
