this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
