I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
