Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
