i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
