Are we in a gay sports bar?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
