i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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