I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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