I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
