I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
