connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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