I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
