I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
