ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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