His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
