It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
