thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
