Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
