I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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