Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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