shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
